I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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