It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
youre lurking in front of me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
