She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
