Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
