i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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