mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
