I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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