My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize