My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
