i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
