i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
