Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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