dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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