i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
