The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
