Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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