I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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