um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
