I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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