Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
