Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There r osticjed everywhere
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
