Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
