Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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