Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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