he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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