Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
