They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
