I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
