i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
