the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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