so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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