There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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