When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
