Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
