I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize