They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
