i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
