listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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