The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
