i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i've created a new STD.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
