haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
