Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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