The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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