I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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