It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
