I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
