hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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