I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
