Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
