why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
