are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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