On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
