Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
