so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
