She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
