I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
