Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize