just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
