im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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