mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
