90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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