Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
