I'm really into asian looking animals
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
