I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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