wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
