i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
