ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
