please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize