yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we made out on top of his cat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
