Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
