Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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