what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
