Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
