apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pants are for mortals
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
