I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
