I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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