Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I AM VODKA MAN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
