well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
