He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I want a musical about memes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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