oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
