return my video game
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
