I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
