Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
