How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
