I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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