i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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