u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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