I think I died a long time ago.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize