forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
