24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
