Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
