Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
