I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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