I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
