I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
