found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
